Food for thought

I had a lovely dinner around at a friends house last night. We were talking about the anxiety and problems many people have around the simple act of eating an evening meal. I was telling my friend and his wife about my childhood of extreme food fussiness and how my parents dealt with it.

At meal times, my mum and dad, were very encouraging and made sure to praise me when I finished my plate, but not make a big deal of it if I did not want much food. There was always a big bowl of fruit to snack on if I was hungry.

It must have driven them mad as they love good food and I would sit there wanting no more than butter on my spaghetti, not even salt and pepper. One person asked me once if it was to do with control, and it could well have been, but I do remember absolutely hating the taste of many of the things I tried, from green peppers to pork chops.

Luckily I grown to love food and cooking. But my parents careful management of my fussiness is so ingrained that I still feel absurdly pleased with myself when I finish a plate of food. Even now; a warm sense of accomplishment radiates up from my full belly.

About a year ago after finishing a sumptuous meal with my parents, my dad said, Oh look you've finished your plate, well done. We looked at each other, the thirty year old grown up daughter and the sixty five year old kind hearted father, and had a laugh about it.

But when we were talking about it last night, it made me realise, how the messages we get when are are children are so important. This feeling is hard-wired into my brain, but what if that reassurance and praise had been criticism or indifference, how would that of affected me?

All I can say is thanks Ma and Pa.

A car by any other name is still a car

A car advert caught my attention on TV last night. The new Ford Fiesta Zetec Climate.

I thought this is a most interesting choice given that climate change is big news and most people are aware to avoid catastrophic climate change we need to reduce our carbon dioxide emissions.

One way to do this is to drive less. So I wondered what Ford were thinking…

I was wondering about this quite a lot and thought I would give them a ring on their customer information number (08457 111 888.)

The bright young soul on the other end told me why the Ford Fiesta Zetec Climate is so named.

‘It is the normal Ford Fiesta but it comes with the Climate package. That is why it is called Climate.’

Hhhmmmm…

‘And what is the Climate package?’

‘It comes with auto-lights that come on when it gets dark and auto-wipers that come on when it rains.’

‘I see, I thought it might have been an eco-friendly car, as it was called Climate.’

‘And it has rear and front fog lights.’

‘Don’t most cars have that?’

‘Not all models.’

‘But it is nothing to do with Climate change?’

‘Er no.’

So there we have it.

Toy boy

I had a very strange dream last night.

Now that is a phrase that can make the most interested and saintly reader loose the will to live, but this one was really weird and I can tell you about it quickly, so please bear with me if you will.

I dreamt I got engaged to a tiny baby.

What the hell is that all about?

The weirdest thing was a conversation I had with a friend after I'd announced my intentions. She was trying to convince me that the age gap was too big (rather than the fact that it was just plain WRONG) and dream me said, 'But when I'm sixty, the baby'll be thirty.'

Dry and worthy

There is something about discussions on the topic of vaginas, in sober serious society which causes and creates the uncontrollable desire to snigger. I mean really, what sort of a feminist am I. Juvenile? Yes. Silly? Without doubt. Understandable? Most definitely.

One of my modules, Creative Non-fiction, started with a trawl around the room, everyone giving their idea for a non-fiction book. We had been out at the theatre the night before and there were a few sore heads around the table as many beers had been consumed after the performance and on the coach journey home. One of my class mates is planning a book about vaginal medical conditions, from a feminist perspective. A good book, one that needs to be written, an area that needs to be looked into.

See, it is not just me, is it? All discussions on the topic ring with double meaning.

It wasn't really unexpected that the room lost it when our tutor was quizzing our classmate about the content of her book. The tutor was worried that any book focused on medical conditions runs the risk of being stuffy and boring. She said, how are you going to stop it from being dry?

There was a silence, then one sniff and we all dissolved into giggles. We have got 15 weeks of trying to be a bit more grown up, goddamnit, ahead of us.

Rhetorical devices

We learnt a number of rhetorical devices at the end of last term, but after some extensive googling I have found some alternative definitions.

Epistrophe – A particular type of catastrophe that involves pissing yourself.
e.g. 'One man with wet pants, knows the woes of a thousand with wet pants.'

Anadiplosis – A herbivore dinosaur with explosive wind, also known as A Joelodockus Weirex
e.g. You eat the beans, beans that cause stomach pain, pain turns to gas, gas explodes and fouls the air.

Antimetabole – Someone who is very much against ten pin bowling.
e.g. You say you do not know how to bowl, but you bowl like you have not had your say.

Parallelism – A branch of mystical Christianity based on the parallel rhetorical lines that circle the globe.
e.g. Rhetoric encircles the heavenly earth as it encircles our heavenly souls

Antithesis – The sinking feeling that occurs a week before your MA thesis deadline.
e.g. To hit the word count, is to count yourself a hit.

Anastrophe – A punctuation mark used to indicate words removed during collaborative writing which neither party is happy about.
e.g. Happy about this radio script I am not

Anaphora – A rhetorical water jug used in ancient Roman times esp. during orgies.
We'll pour water on the sleeping slave, we'll pour water on the vomiting maid and we'll pour water on the naked pair.

Polyptoton - A nursery rhyme involving someone who 'puts the kettle on.'
e.g. Tis better to drink wine than to wine about the drink.