Don't get in a state...

Some of the things I learnt on a recent trip to USA

1. It is never OK to call nine eleven, seven eleven by mistake – ever.

2. Ask for the restroom or bathroom not toilet.

3. US toilets are lower and shallower than ours. I discovered this while wiping front to back – as I have been taught. For a second I dipped the back of my hand into the yellow water below. I did not do this again.

4. None of the Americans I met actually like Bush. Some train guys told us to 'give George a good kick up the but from us.' when we were travelling from NYC to DC.

5. Pancakes, bacon, home fries, huevos rancheros, pizza etc. are good and plentiful, so don't blame the washing machine if your trousers don't do up.

6. Hailing a cab in NYC involves almost standing in the path of moving traffic – kerb clingers don't get anywhere.

7. If someone asks you to be in a film, they are either street fundraisers or film students. Hopes should not be gotten up.

8. The subway is not as hard or complicated as it seems. Just leave plenty of time and don't get in the way of commuters. Remember if you need to stop, stand aside.

9. Filene's Basement rocks.